One Friday night I was walking along Queen Street after work and I looked around the busy street filled with people in a hurry to go somewhere. It was Friday night after all.
One of the many challenges of being a migrant is that you don’t have many plans on Friday nights or the weekends for that matter. People tell me that I will have friends eventually and I believe that in time I will. But today what I wish to elude is loneliness.
In today’s fast paced society, we’ve become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom.
We tend to fill loneliness with all types of distractions. For example, some single women would rather spend a Friday night with a man they have no genuine interest in, than spend the night alone. They long for a way of killing time while they await the man they are actually seeking. Sometimes I wish this was me, just to make the monotony. Then there are young adults who are involved in cliques where they can’t really relate to their companions. However, they would rather feel accepted on a superficial level than risk feeling outcast. So what is it about being alone that scares us?
As an introvert I relish in solitude. Solitude does not have to be alienating or lonesome. In fact, solitude and loneliness are distinctly separate.
Loneliness is different. The death of a loved one or the inability to find people who understand you can leave you feeling isolated. Webster’s dictionary plainly describes loneliness as “being without companions.” It’s natural to experience an emptiness while longing for love or acceptance. Loneliness is therefore an emotive state that can be experienced whether or not one is physically alone.
In the city I was surrounded by people, noise and fluff, where I am reminded of my desire for connection. The need to belong was the source of my loneliness. I needed to slow down and retreat in my own solitude. I am not spooked by the unfamiliarity of silence. Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Only when we are alone, can we have the space and peace we need to think without being outwardly influenced. It therefore becomes easier to make important decisions as well as identify whatever feelings are culminating within.
What I learned is this: Being in a new country is like being a fish on land. It’s tough. You have to get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself. Let the peace and understanding you find better equip you for the days to come. Living in a new country has taught me to love spending time with myself. Being a migrant is just as much about learning to be alone as it is about making friends.
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